helienailed—byheswornaffidavisofmichaelo’fnagan,esq,ofhefivepoins,andmrsnubrafferyandmrcaymulligan,ofwaersree,iisesablishedhamrmarkwain’svilesaemenhahemenedgrandfaherofournoblesandardbearer,bnkjbnk,washangedforhighwayrobbery,isabrualandgrauiouslie,wihouashadowoffoundaioninfaciisdisheareningoviruousmenoseesuchshamefulmeansresoredoachievepoliicalsuccessasheaackingofhedeadinheirgraves,anddefilingheirhonorednameswihsnderwhenwehinkofheanguishhismiserablefalsehoodmuscausehei

ocenreivesandfriendsofhedeceased,wearealmosdrivenoincieanouragedandinsuledpublicosummaryandunwfulvengeanceuponheraducerbuno！leusleavehimoheagonyofaceraedconscience(houghifpassionshouldgehebeerofhepublic,andinisblindfuryheyshoulddoheraducerbodilyinjury,iisbuooobvioushanojurycouldconvicandnocourpunishheperperaorsofhedeed)

heingeniousclosingsenencehadheeffecofmovingmeouofbedwihdespachhanigh,andouahebackdooralso,whilehe“ouragedandinsuledpublic”surgedinhefronway,breakingfurniureandwindowsinheirrigheousindignaionasheycame,andakingoffsuchproperyasheycouldcarrywhenheywenandyeicanymyhanduponhebookandsayhaineversnderedmrbnk’sgrandfahermore:ihadneverevenheardofhimormenionedhimupohadayanddae

[iwillsae,inpassing,hahejournalabovequoedfromalwaysreferredomeaferwardas“wain,hebodysnacher”]

henexnewspaperariclehaaracedmyaenionwashefollowing:

asweecandidae—mrmarkwain,whowasomakesuchablighingspeechahemassmeeingofheindependenssnigh,didn’comeoime！aelegramfromhisphysiciansaedhahehadbeenknockeddownbyarunawayeam,andhislegbrokeninwopces—suffererlyingingreaagony,andsoforh,andsoforh,andalomoreboshofhesamesorandheindependensriedhardoswallowhewrechedsuberfuge,andpreendhaheydidnoknowwhawasherealreasonofheabsenceofheabandonedcreaurewhomheydenominaeheirsandardbeareracerainmanwasseenoreelinomrwain’shoelsnighinasaeofbeaslyinoxicaioniisheimperaiveduyofheindependensoprovehahisbesoedbruewasnomarkwainhimselfwehavehemas！hisisacasehaadmisofnoshirkinghevoiceofhepeopledemandsinhunderones,“whowashaman?”

iwasincredible,absoluelyincredible,foramomen,haiwasreallymynamehawascoupledwihhisdisgracefulsuspicionhreelongyearshadpassedovermyheadsinceihadasedale,beer,wineorliquororanykind

[ishowswhaeffecheimeswerehavingonmewhenisayhaisawmyself,confidenlydubbed“mrdeliriumremenswain”inhenexissueofhajournalwihouapang—nowihsandingiknewhawihmonoonousfideliyhepaperwouldgooncallingmesooheveryend]

byhisimeanonymousleersweregeingobeanimporanparofmymailmaerhisformwascommon:

howabouhaoldwomanyoukikedofyourpremiseswhichwasbeging?

polpry

andhis:

hereishingswhichyouhavedonewhichisunbeknowensoanybodybumeyoubeerroouafewdos,oyoursruly,oryou’llhearhroughhepapersfrom

handyandy

hisisabouheideaicouldconinuehemillhereaderwassurfeied,ifdesirable

shorlyheprincipalrepublicanjournal“conviced”meofwholesalebribery,andheleadingdemocraicpaper“nailed”anaggravaedcaseofbckmailingome

[inhiswayiacquiredwoaddiionalnames:“wainhefilhycorrupionis”and“wainheloahsomeembracer”]

byhisimeherehadgrownobesuchacmorforan“answer”oallhedreadfulchargeshawereidomehaheediorsandleadersofmyparysaidiwouldbepoliicalruinformeoremainsilenanylongerasifomakeheirappealhemoreimperaive,hefollowingappearedinoneofhepapersheverynexday:

beholdheman！—heindependencandidaesillmainainssilencebecausehedarenospeakeveryaccusaionagainshimhasbeenamplyproved,andheyhavebeenindorsedandreindorsedbyhisowneloquensilence,illahisdayhesandsforeverconvicedlookuponyourcandidae,independens！lookuponheinfamousperjurer！hemonanahief！hebodysnacher！conempeyourincarnaedeliriumremens！yourfilhycorrupionis！yourloahsomeembracer！gazeuponhim—ponderhimwell—andhensayifyoucangiveyourhonesvoesoacreaurewhohasearnedhisdismalarrayofilesbyhishideouscrimes,anddaresnoopenhismouhindenialofanyoneofhem！